Pulling All-Nighter

A rambling of an insane insomniac

Fear and Loathing

Your heart is calm. There is no rush or worry. It is like, as if, everything has been already decided. You are balancing on this small chair between death and, well, what seems to be a meaningless biological existence.  You don’t ask why, you did more than enough. You don’t try to resolve this, that’s been done before. You don’t try to tell yourself another one of those self-depriving lies that some call excuse. You’ve been over that.

And so it goes. A swift movement and your seconds are counting. One. Two. Three. It doesn’t even hurt. You feel relieved; you know the suffering will end.

And then, your scumbag of a brain decides to get a holiday. With almost automatic, quick move, you release the rope and drop to the ground like a bag of sand.

After some period of fear and loathing you stand up and go to bed. You are too tired.

Sleeping is nice because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake so it’s a win-win situation

And then comes another day.

Waking up in the morning. Feeling fresh. Getting some coffee and reading the news. You take a shower, brush your teeth and get yourself ready. Looking good – so says the mirror. Dressing into nice cloth and spraying some perfume. Finishing your breakfast and grabbing your bag. It’s a whole new day.

As you exit your apartment, suddenly, a chilly, deathly, frightening feeling sneaks up behind you. You freeze right there, in time and space. You know what it is. You pray every day that it leaves you behind. You turn around. “Well hello there! You think you could go without me? Don’t be silly! – says Depression.

A creeping numbness that insidiously degrades and diminishes every aspect of your conscious life. A storm of screaming and hatred in dreams. A dull apathy in waking. A sinking stomach in the face of joy and a faithless lassitude in the face of hope.

There it is, right in front of you, with that uncanny smile.

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Weird sightings

Weird sightings.

via Weird sightings.

Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy

The-Joy-of-Insomnia-and-Hot-Flashes

       Another all -nighter. This song was stuck in my head all night.  There is a slight buzz in the head. The voices outside on the streets all blend together into an unrecognizable massive cacophony.

       One, two, no three coffees have done the trick, I am back on my feet, not that I was ever standing in the first place. With 12-15 hours of spare time, I will most likely indulge myself in another interesting law reading, after which I will force my body to shut down for a couple hours of sleep. In times like, when I am full of inspiration, I wish I could continue writing my novel, but I left the draft at home. So my only opportunity of creative writing is embodied in this blog.

       It is quite ironic how some of the blog writing tools are some complex and sophisticated, yet there is no real option for a TAB. So instead I have to type 5 spaces. That brings me to one interesting point. Limitations serve as a ground for growth of creativity.  Because essentially  by having boundaries your mind is trying to think “out of the box”. It can be something as simple as literally typing 7 spaces because there is no option to use the TAB button. When I first started to shape this blog from design point of view, I realized how many limitations there were. There was an easy way of paying 30 bucks for customization, but I mean come on, who would do that? I started searching for templates that had certain options for widgets and headers and footers. In the end I was able to find quite a nice style for my blog, emphasizing content over visual design; I like to keep it minimalistic.

How to travel for free

“I’ve done some couch surfing and hitchhiking, and I have a little experience with urban and wild camping. Nothing’s stopping you from traveling for free.

The only thing is… you need massive grizzled testicles. There’s a lot of courage required to silence all those voices in your head saying stuff like; “You can’t sleep here! It’s not secure! People will see you!!” or “Don’t eat that. It’s from a dumpster!!! I don’t care if it smells fine!!”. Once you get the ball rolling those things fade and discomfort becomes the norm and you don’t even think twice. At first though, every new thing is terrifying.

Some tips;

Be resourceful: What was once a taken for granted as an “icky public restroom” will become free drinking water, free bath, free toilet, a chance to see your reflection to get less hobo-ey, and a moment of actual privacy. A dirty shoelace you found at a campsite will bind that umbrella and cardboard to your pack. I carried a bucket everywhere. Yeah I looked weird, but I never went without a: seat, hat, container, drum, table, or conversation starter.

Be sociable: That kind of dirty but smiley traveler is much less likely to be asked to leave than the smelly reclusive grouch. You’re less of a threat when you show you can interact with people properly and you are a friendly face. Small talk will become a major tool to casually figure out the best gas station to catch a ride at, if the public transit is cheatable, and a great way to make friends that might just invite you to ride with them, or even have a nice dinner at their place. (One time in Belgium this one kind of sketchy guy I caught a ride with offered to have me over for dinner and let me crash at his place. Turns out he was really friendly and cool just shy. Also he had two gorgeous daughters my age, gave me a tour of the WWI battlegrounds in his home town and gave me Trappist beer. If I wasn’t so likable and friendly, he probably would have just dropped me off at his exit.) Talk to other travelers especially. They know the good or cheap spots and usually have fun stories. Sometimes you even meet temporary traveling partners. It does get lonely out there.

Practice something cool to perform: I told myself “I’ll fine tune my harmonica skills on the road”. Sure I practiced and got better, but I didn’t have the confidence to start busking. Be good at it before you start. Go watch street performers. I got to go to a street performing festival in Berlin, and it is waaay more than pick a spot, do cool stuff, get money. Study your craft first.

Bring a phone: For real… yeah it’s cool to be off the grid and stuff, but I missed the internet, and my music and I liked to share my stories with friends and family. A cheap smartphone will let you do all this for free wherever you can sniff out wifi instead of having to hunt down and pay for internet cafes. Not to mention if you’re between towns and you break a leg you’re dead, unless you have a phone.

Test runs with your gear: Those anti-microbial underwear… you wanna be sure before you embark with one set of skivies. That pack… If it doesn’t fit just right, you will be in hell. Them shoes… If they can’t handle intense usage or your feet can’t handle them, you’re dead in the water. One time I went on a sailing/camping expedition on the Texas Intercoastal Waterway, and on the first night I discovered that my tent was just the rain cover. Luckily I was traveling with my grandpa/ sensei who helped me fashion a new tent out of four sticks, two homemade steaks, a found rope, and a mosquito net. All before nightfall too.

Ease your way into it: Don’t leave the house on your first journey and expect to jump right into: hitchiking, camping, dumpster diving, and busking all at once. It will whip your ass and sending you home to shamefully explain to everyone how you couldn’t handle it. I don’t care how tough or zen you are. Master one maybe two things at once. When you feel comfortable take something new on. No one is a master frugal traveler over night.

Don’t be afraid to ‘Wing it’, but enjoy planning it: Opportunities will present themselves. You might meet some radical Czech dude that shares his pot, who wants to go to Amsterdam, but is afraid to learn to hitchkike by himself. However planning will give you something to get excited about. It will keep your mind focused on your goal. Learn about possible cool stuff ahead of time. Get familiar with online resources like hostelbooker.com (trust me, you will have a shit day eventually and really want a hot shower, and a soft bed one night) or tripadvisor.com.

Be confident: Don’t look like a victim or you will become one. Also you become more likable. If you need to look pathetic, be clumsy and smiley about it. The hopeless dolt is more likely to get assistance than the pity party.

Be creative, there’s a potential solution to any problems you find. Don’t forget to meditate on what you did that day as you go to sleep. You might take how cool what you’re doing is for granted if you don’t stop to think about it. “Holy shit. That whole ‘time zone change miss the train kerfuffle’ is quite the story.” Keep pen and pad around. Don’t talk about your travels too much. Learn about the local laws for practicality, and politics for fun. People love explaining their politics to foreigners.

Good luck and safe travels!!”

 

By Master_Mollusc, from this page

stock-footage-new-york-circa-june-crowd-of-people-commuters-walking-crossing-street-at-a-busy

Come up to a stranger on the streets and tell him something nice, like how his shoes look nice, or he has a nice haircut, or anything . He will never forget you. You will also make his day. After all, unless you are some sort of celebrity or a pretty girl, it’s not every day that you get to be complimented by a stranger.

People going down the street, minding their own business, living in their small world of thoughts, plans, goals, wishes. And then you suddenly knock on their door and say something. It’s very interesting to see people’s reaction their ‘barrier’ being broken and their attempt to something back, or to try to figure out what is happening. You most likely derailed their whole train of thought by simply coming up to them and saying something.

Maybe it’s just me, but I can remember almost all the people who ever asked me for directions, or just approached me to tell me something.

It partially has to do with that the factor of expectation. Nobody expects a stranger to come up to them and talk. Which is kind of sad because it partially alienates our society, making every individual a little bit more isolated.

       Pulling all nighters is a horrid habit of mine that started in my late high school times. The pressure of the finals and lack of free time  resulted in long sleepless nights. So in a way I induced my own insomnia. I must say it treats me well so far. It is quite ironic how during sleepless nights instead of spacing out and day dreaming I would find myself in perhaps my most inspirational moments.  I think of writing novels of dragons and future space expeditions; composing songs; filming a movie and perhaps asking that girl out on a date.

     The problem is I think.

      Once my English teacher gave me a rather simple, yet such an important advice – don’t set things aside for later, do them now.

      It just started raining. It rains often here during winter.

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mbfitzmahan

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Law Studies

Helping your legal studies

Pulling All-Nighter

A rambling of an insane insomniac

History of Stuff

The scholar in front of the class is merely a guide on this journey. Don't forget to write home.

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